Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
