Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
