our cab driver is having phone sex.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize