thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
