how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The best revenge is premature balding
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
