I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
