what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
