My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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