i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
