i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
