capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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