**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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