And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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