im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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