he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
