I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
