I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
