Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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