i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your penis caused this!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
