Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
