STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
