Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
