I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
