i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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