Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
