My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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