my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
