i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am full of burrito and curiosity
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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