when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
