My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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