There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
