I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
