you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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