pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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