some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
