Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize