What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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