My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
