She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
