One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
