just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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