You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
