i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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