you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
