are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize