i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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