i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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