What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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