I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
