so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
