dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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