after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
