and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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