I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
