she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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