The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
