You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
