your thong is hanging out like whoa
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
