Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
