You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
