what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
