toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
