Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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