The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
