I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize