half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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