we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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