apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
