If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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