He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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