This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
