I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
