i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
