his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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