My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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