Got a toothbrush?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
