I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
