I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
