You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
