ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
