Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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