i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize