You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
