I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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