Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
