because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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