Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I supernannyed him into submission
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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