no, he came in my armpit
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
