All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
