i jhust puked up my retainher.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
