TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
