I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
