Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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