yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's always time for handjobs
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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