please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
