new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
